Who am I?

Who am I?
A runner....or Herky the Hawk?

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Why weight?

Okay, quick review of Saturday's race: Ran the 5K, forgot to set my timer, so guesstimate time was 31:30 because we had to stop for traffic twice. Was windy as hell, group consensus was that we had a head wind for 80% of the race. And it was chilly. BUT I finished my first REAL 5K of the season (let's be honest, the Bar Run was not a real 5K because it was interrupted by alcohol and food...AWESOME time, but definitely not a real race). So I finished my first 5K of the season and was rewarded with a giant piece of apple pie a la mode...YUM!

I want to turn the focus to a topic that has been weighing heavily on my mind lately (pun intended)....the female obsession with weight and our negative perceptions of our bodies. My personal struggle started back when I was a teenager. I started comparing myself to the girls in Seventeen magazine and the girls on TV, and then of course the girls in school. Fortunately, I loved being active so burning calories came naturally. I have an athletic build, so I frequently heard comments about my "guns" and my strong legs...which looking back now, is pretty cool...but rather than embracing my athleticism and being proud of it, I was embarrassed. I didn't want to be "strong" because another word for "strong" is "thick" and "thick" meant "fat" in my mind. I wanted to be dainty, I wanted to be thin. You have to remember that Kate Moss was the ideal woman, so the "waif" look was in.

I'm sure you're all thinking, "Okay Danielle...no epiphanies here...tell us something we don't already know" so let me tell you know that there won't be any epiphanies...just some things that hopefully you can reflect on. Besides, this is my blog right? Which pretty much means that most of these blogs are brain dumps...

Anyways....so a marriage and 2 kids later, I still struggle with my body image. So much that I have sent myself into anxiety attacks over the first signs of "muffin top". My anxiety comes from my frustration that only 4 months ago, I was a size 2. I was the smallest/thinnest I have ever been...and my desire to get back there has been overwhemling to the point of unhealthy. I easliy forget that the reason I lost all the weight was due to a high level of anxiety and circumstantial stress, so I had no appetite and only ate so I had enough energy to be able to run over my lunch. I forget the frustration I had every morning because I couldn't find anything that fit, everything would just hang off of me. I remember the comments from Yashmine that I had become the typical WG (White Girl)...meaning I had no booty. And again...I WASN'T happy! As I began to heal, the appetite came back (Tony's cooking helped with this, of course), and I began to enjoy life outside the gym again. I now understand what the phrase "Fat and happy" means now, but the "happy" is starting to be hidden by the shadow of a growing poor body image.

The funny thing is...if another female friend of mine comments on how she looks, I'm the first to stop her and tell her that she looks great and that I wish I had her curves...which is true! Curves are beautiful...they're what make a woman attractive. But why can't I appreciate mine? So I want to throw this out to the ladies reading my blog...or heck, you guys can chime in too about your frustration with women and our obsession with our looks. Ladies, why do we look at each other and think, "I wish I looked like her"? I mean, think about it...odds are there is someone out there that has thought that about you...yet we continue to criticize ourselves. So if you have an opinion, please share. Hopefully we can work together to keep each other in check.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

I ain't skeered of no rain....

The treadmills were full today. As I walked by them, my excitement to run in  the rain and thunder grew. I LOVE TO RUN IN THE RAIN. A rainstorm is actually my ideal weather condition for a good run. People look at me like I'm crazy when I announce this, so let me explain.

When it's not raining, the air is still and the sun is usually beating down, a combination that produces heat, and lots of sweat. So in the still, hot air, I am left to try to think about how awesome I feel while running, how all the hard work is going to pay off and eventually I will have rock hard legs and no more cellulite. Pffftttt.....Yeah right! Sorry, I couldn't even type that with a straight face. Don't get me wrong, I TRY to think these things, but I always end up thinking the same thing "This sucks. My legs hurt."

But the rain....the rain, my friends, is the perfect distraction. I love the feeling of getting pelted in the face and legs and arms by cool raindrops. And when it's raining so heavy that I have trouble seeing because my hair is so drenched that the rain is dripping into my eyes...I am in Runner's Heaven, if there is such a place. Because while I'm focusing on the rain drops, I'm not thinking about my sore legs or the heat, and before I know it, I've already put in some decent mileage.

Is it all making sense now?

Yeah, so clearly I didn't hate today's run...Yay! Mini-victory for me! Actually, I can say that I don't hate running this week. I even signed up for a 5K on Saturday. I've had two 3.3 mile runs this week, and with a Zumba class tomorrow and a short run on Friday, I feel confident that I will earn that piece of pie at the end of the race.

All together now....Hip hip hooray for motivation!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

And......I'm 30

I said farewell to my 20s on Saturday, and I did it in style by spending the weekend in Kansas City with some good friends of mine....who didn't let me forget that I was turning 30 :o) Thank you to everyone who wished me happy birthday via text or Facebook. Without my family and friends, my life wouldn't be worth living....or nearly as much fun! Stay tuned for an update on my running coming very soon.