Okay, quick review of Saturday's race: Ran the 5K, forgot to set my timer, so guesstimate time was 31:30 because we had to stop for traffic twice. Was windy as hell, group consensus was that we had a head wind for 80% of the race. And it was chilly. BUT I finished my first REAL 5K of the season (let's be honest, the Bar Run was not a real 5K because it was interrupted by alcohol and food...AWESOME time, but definitely not a real race). So I finished my first 5K of the season and was rewarded with a giant piece of apple pie a la mode...YUM!
I want to turn the focus to a topic that has been weighing heavily on my mind lately (pun intended)....the female obsession with weight and our negative perceptions of our bodies. My personal struggle started back when I was a teenager. I started comparing myself to the girls in Seventeen magazine and the girls on TV, and then of course the girls in school. Fortunately, I loved being active so burning calories came naturally. I have an athletic build, so I frequently heard comments about my "guns" and my strong legs...which looking back now, is pretty cool...but rather than embracing my athleticism and being proud of it, I was embarrassed. I didn't want to be "strong" because another word for "strong" is "thick" and "thick" meant "fat" in my mind. I wanted to be dainty, I wanted to be thin. You have to remember that Kate Moss was the ideal woman, so the "waif" look was in.
I'm sure you're all thinking, "Okay Danielle...no epiphanies here...tell us something we don't already know" so let me tell you know that there won't be any epiphanies...just some things that hopefully you can reflect on. Besides, this is my blog right? Which pretty much means that most of these blogs are brain dumps...
Anyways....so a marriage and 2 kids later, I still struggle with my body image. So much that I have sent myself into anxiety attacks over the first signs of "muffin top". My anxiety comes from my frustration that only 4 months ago, I was a size 2. I was the smallest/thinnest I have ever been...and my desire to get back there has been overwhemling to the point of unhealthy. I easliy forget that the reason I lost all the weight was due to a high level of anxiety and circumstantial stress, so I had no appetite and only ate so I had enough energy to be able to run over my lunch. I forget the frustration I had every morning because I couldn't find anything that fit, everything would just hang off of me. I remember the comments from Yashmine that I had become the typical WG (White Girl)...meaning I had no booty. And again...I WASN'T happy! As I began to heal, the appetite came back (Tony's cooking helped with this, of course), and I began to enjoy life outside the gym again. I now understand what the phrase "Fat and happy" means now, but the "happy" is starting to be hidden by the shadow of a growing poor body image.
The funny thing is...if another female friend of mine comments on how she looks, I'm the first to stop her and tell her that she looks great and that I wish I had her curves...which is true! Curves are beautiful...they're what make a woman attractive. But why can't I appreciate mine? So I want to throw this out to the ladies reading my blog...or heck, you guys can chime in too about your frustration with women and our obsession with our looks. Ladies, why do we look at each other and think, "I wish I looked like her"? I mean, think about it...odds are there is someone out there that has thought that about you...yet we continue to criticize ourselves. So if you have an opinion, please share. Hopefully we can work together to keep each other in check.
First off, the 5K on Saturday was ridiculous with the wind. Who knew it could blow is so many different directions at the same time? Second, the bar run was far from a 5K, there were some short cuts taken and I don't even think we ran the entire way :) Lastly I think you already know my stance on this topic, but if you'd like me to make my comments public for all of your viewers I'd be more than happy. I'm just glad to know that you like my cooking so much.
ReplyDeleteMy wife gets me drunk, on her lovely lady lumps ;-)
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I, too, am struggling a bit. I topped 200 when I was pregnant with Paige and only got down to the 180s three years later. Last year I took a real inventory of my health and wellness and how I wanted to be the mom playing on the playground and not sitting on the bench munching an extra value meal. So, I started working out again and am just past the 157 mark. I'm almost where I was when we were walking together and I was working out consistently at the Rec center. The whole time, I was obsessed with the number on the scale, so I got rid of the scale and just rely on how my clothes fit. I think if more women showed solidarity, rather than competing and being critical, we could eliminate the fat anxiety altogether. I also started running again and I use this free app called Endomondo to track my progress. I hope to run a 5 k soon. Keep us posted on your success!!!!
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